delayed rage

it's been so damn long since i posted anything, so damn long since i could create a coherent thought worth typing out, so damn long since.....

alas, some milestones are on the horizons and those always serve as an impetus in some regard.

i thought i knew what i wanted to "talk/type" about, but the more i thought, the less i typed/talked. stalled. in so many ways.

music and lyrics still guide me however. and i've created my latest playlist. and when the playlist is created, game over. forward motion must commence. hence, when i heard the term on the latest and greatest GREYS, it immediately captured the essence of all that has been happening.

delayed rage

-- at that midget muthafcuker with locs from NY
-- at that underemployed producer wannabe from the Midwest
-- at that broke and sexually stunted Q from South Cackalacky
-- at the fact that it took me THIS long to admit it!

despite my protestations to the contrary the encounters have kept me hemmed up emotionally, relationally, socially and as I approach the next age milestone i've finally began a journey to take a hard look at who i am and what i want and what is likely best for me.

-- the southern gentleman with the new MBA didn't have a chance
-- the divorced father with the famous sibling didn't have a chance
-- mr. perfect on paper, but awful at his word lost his chance...and doesn't even have a clue why.
-- that's because i'm just now getting a clue myself.

love languages. that is what i'm learning all about this season. what mine is/are and how to learn and demostrate another's.

it's as simple and as complicated as that. really. and to think a year ago i was lamenting the thought of being invisible. now, i've discovered i wasn't being heard nor was i hearing another. love languages.

the last convo i had with my best friend, he challenged me to stand up to mr. perfect on paper. something about giving him the chance to demonstrate what he's really about. refraining from making ANOTHER unilateral decision. something about having nothing to lose. everything to gain. it's been 2 weeks since that conversation and i haven't yet had the ganas to force the hand of mr. perfect on paper. what am i waiting for?

revelation while on the love languages journey. that's what. the more i learn, the less i'm inclined to force anything.

delayed rage. i could be saved afterall, by the language of love.

..:: More to Come ::..