Friendship

My love tank is fluctuating. I gotta blog this out......

The pain of losing/giving up/moving on and realizing it wasn't a friendship after all
juxtaposed with....
The joy of finding all your long lost acquaintances from your youth
and the fact that at work, spring term always just rubs my emotions
Simultaneously, I guess it can be enough to make a grown woman cry.

Enough has been said about the loss. This is simply acceptance.

What has been most difficult to accept is the change in my role in the development and sustenance of friendships. Particularly with females, but also with males that live in the metro area. I've lamented publicly about the lack of courtesy displayed by members of the male persuasion here, but this discourteous nature is in full effect among women, too. And it has sidelined plenty of promising relationships. I'm not sure if it is an affect of distrust or insecurity or just a simple lack of manners, but I learned early on that other peoples' time, attention, and values are not honored here, which makes sincere friendships difficult to sustain. This I find to be a shame. Truly.

So the joy (and some small sense of pride) I experience in navigating and meshing my social circles and seeing them, and the resultant friendships, grow and develop has been missing here, and I believe is a major factor in why Atlanta just....is, for me. While I have met plenty people and consider some friends, I don't have a growing circle/clique in this town, and I've accepted now that I may never. It's so unlike my previous life that it has taken me nearly 5 years to recognize the source of discontent. Plenty has been written about women and friendships and men and friendships and about women and men and friendships over the years, and while I am a firm believer in the latter, I've heard so many females express how they don't get along with other females, that it makes me wonder how is our sisterhood being sustained?

I believe I have tried. I've made various attempts, expended some effort to know women and establish friendships with them in this town, but it hasn't been as successful as I would have liked. Considering this is one of my 5 Bold Steps though, I have got to try a new thing, eh? God help me figure out what that new thing is.....

But in the meantime, in between time, God HAS smiled on me in truly unexpected ways regarding friendship. For all the hoopla surrounding Facebook, if for nothing else, I am grateful for the connections it is re-establishing in my life. Unlike others that shall remain nameless, I didn't hate HS or JHS, or have experiences that I'd rather not relive...I just moved on to other spaces and places when I graduated. So I am not opposed to sharing what has been going on/continues to go on in my life and discovering the latest and greatest in the lives of those I grew up with. And every day brings a new reconnection and a big ol' grin LOL As a grown woman, I can appreciate the memories of my youth and the times shared, but also recognize that all of us are different people and accept how our varied life journeys have shaped us. Thus, I will not be disappointed if the reconnection is not sustained, just as I will be overjoyed if it is. People are in our lives for a reason and/or a season and in this season God has touched my heart about the importance of friendships. So I'm feeling inspired to develop and sustain them. Again, this new thing, for surely old methods clearly don't work....God help me figure out what it is!

..::More to Come ::..