I will not see what I cannot have forever...

I can't call it. Maybe I'm just *sensitive* or perhaps it is passive aggressiveness rearing it's insensitive head. But it has me SCREAMING on the inside, and it is making me ill, as I can't release this externally, but alas my blog, my blog...o neglected blog.

Insult/Assault from the "man": He says to me a couple months ago he wants to go on said trip. I tell him I'd go with him, we'd have fun, mention all the possibilities and he basically smirks. No more mention of it, until I read a lil' ditty on FB....oh he's going, alright. I'm just not invited.

Assault/Insult from the "girl": We haven't spoken, emailed, texted, communicated in at least a year. But I get a missent text over the weekend while she is gallivanting in the neighborhood. How do I find out she is within striking distance? FB. Haven't heard from her since.

Why does he get the adult moniker and she the youth? Twisted socialization I suppose for both actions and my reaction are rather child-like in hindsight.  Evidence of roles which are clearly no more.  But it doesn't change any of the facts.

For all the connections to be found on FB, I'm left feeling less connected to everybody. And that makes me SCREAM on the inside. I have half a mind to unplug altogether, as I'm sensing I can be less and less of myself there. I've been admonished about my status messages and reprimanded for my survey/quiz results and former flings have found me and old childhood buddies have appeared and I've friended them. Lawd, all for what?

Setting them free, frees me. Yes, I stated at the start of the new year that relationships are what I wanted to "perfect" this year. But if I cannot be myself and others cannot accept all that I bring, then I need to feel good about letting them go. Some things cannot be salvaged, particularly if at the end of the day I feel more harm in the process than any of the good that is in the potential. What could I possibly be missing, eh?

It's past time for a seasonal purge, and this may be the most wrenching of all. I pray the screaming STOPS so I can live freely and be loved freely by the good that is and wants to remain in my life.

Song of the Day: "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell