'Cuz you didn't walk off with all of my stuff!

Thank YOU, for my Colored Girls moment today....

"My love is TOO DIVINE to have it thrown back on my face!"

...and I am moving to the end of my own rainbow.

Here's the thing though --
I had checked out already. I was done. I had written the "Dear Pat" letter. Got the courage to call him. Didn't break it to him then though, but invited him to meet me, for it's mature to do this face-to-face, right?

But I saw him. He's sucha pretty nigga and I never knew I had such a weakness. SMH.

Yet my feelings had not changed as he ended our conversation with yet ANOTHER statement indicating he'll never be what I need. I left town knowing that I'd have to bring this to an end at a distance. He I couldn't be trusted to do the best thing in his presence.

Ever been submerged in something so long that even after you get out, clean yourself off, the residue still seems to linger? It could be mud, sand, chlorine from a pool, pudding, whipped cream or jello, whatever you play tag and wrestle in...but the feeling, sensation of the substance sticks with you, even after you've left it behind?

Maybe it's just me, but that is what I've been feeling the past several days about my "relationship" with him. I was, for all intents and purposes, done, but I had coded my language in a way that perhaps, let him linger, and let me linger, too. What a traveshamockery!

This morning, I woke up to a message that would have crushed my spirit two months ago.
Today, I saw it as the release I needed, that final cleansing of that pretty nigga from my system.

SIX women, planning a wedding, living with ya baby momma and all that drama....REALLY now? I just got on my knees and thanked God for answering my prayers. Truly, the Lord works in mysterious ways! I pray now that this pretty nigga didn't give me a deadly gift. I'll be at the doc's this week, indeed.

I don't want to know the rest of the details. I don't need to know. Nothing else matters. Because the way I see it, God answered my prayers, and my heart is already healing. I do feel like I'm on the edge of a nightmare, though. I just wanna wake up and be as if nothing with that pretty nigga ever existed. I was doing bad just FINE all by myself for the last 20 years without him. His deceit, his betrayal, his lies have no space in my world.

I'll still be talking with God and prayerfully, hearing from Him more, as well. To be sure I got the lesson from this. I'm studying the book of James now, where I find comfort in this passage:

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." ~ James 1:12


..::More to Come::..