Survived

Thinking back to where I was two years ago -- longing to be overseas. Willing myself to be abroad, away. Even finding myself on a boat in the middle of the ocean, no less, at the stroke of the new year.

Accolades in my profession. Success in leadership roles. Relinquishing that for more of me, though. Learning to stand back and let others lead, or did I just let laziness and procrastination win, eh?

Well, I tried love with someone that did not love me back.

"Oh it shook my heart -- blew my mind -- I've had to cry so many nights -- I've had to HOLD ON FOR MY LIFE..."

I became living proof that God takes care of fools, for I was a FOOL for Patrick Parker. But I've given him and that trying entanglement enough time, and certainly enough words.

"Truth be told it almost broke me, but I'm so glad, I survived, I survived, I survive."

And here I am, seeking peace from the broken pieces of the last year, considering what comes next. When I wake up, everything I went through will be beautiful, right?

Interestingly enough, this was inspired by my 20th HS reunion, which I did not attend. But in my search for photos to share with the committee, I found the ten-year reunion program booklet. When I read my submission, I felt some kinda way about the life I've led since 2001. Check this out:


If that was 1991-2001, what would 2001-2011 have to say for itself? I suppose much of it is documented here on this blog, but could I concisely capture it in less than 100 words? It would read something like this:

Quit my job and found my passion in a celebrated career in international education. Moved to the south, became more neighborly, locally and social(network)-ly. More kids call me Auntie, but still I desire love and marriage, although uncertain about pretty sure I don't want children. Renewed the passport, but the only stamps are Mexico and the Bahamas <----how American and lame is that?! Faith and spirituality have been my anchors of late, and I am humored by the grown-up life of childhood wishes.

Reading and writing that piece makes it really feel like a lost decade. And maybe things have had to transpire the way they did to serve as the impetus to get off my comfortably expanding ass and do what I was designed to do. More than just get my groove back, but to live out God's purpose for my life. If for nothing else, but a thank you for how He has carried me over the last year, and the grace He has shown me through Angels that I call friends and family, I must get busy!

All things considered, I'm essentially back to where I was about two years ago. But this time, I challenge myself to do things differently. Yes, I survived the heartache of the last year, but has that been all I've done over the last 10 years, merely survive?

I've redone my vision board. I've pulled up my 5 Bold Steps. I've crossed items off the 101 Things to Do list, all which serve as a framework for what comes next. Now, just to overcome the fear/doubt/distrust/worry that masks itself as procrastination, that prevents me from moving on, moving forward.

Everyday is a better day. I mean that when I say that. It is not just lip service. I'm not the same person I was a year ago, two years ago, 10 years ago. Who will I be in a year, or 10, should I survive?

That's the question.

...::More to Come::...

Song of the Day: Mary Mary – Survive