Revelations

I keep having revelations....

He was not right for me
He was not good for me
He was not good to me.

So I certainly need to quit with the tearful memories.

I knew all of this upfront. I let him lie to me for over a year. Lies snowball, yanno. I never imagined his lie would be so

"BIG"

but the lie I told myself about us is the BIGGEST of all.

And I am so embarrassed about that! That is the source of my anger. That, and why won't he apologize? HA!

I apologize to myself and with that, I forgive myself. I will do better....how do I know?

'Cause I am certainly a changed woman from all this. Thankful for the blessing, the focus and increased understanding of faith that has emerged from the whole entire traveshamockery. If God wanted my attention, He most certainly has it!!

Be clear, I do mourn for the casualties:

• We'll never be friends again. I'm not entirely sure we ever really were "friends." But we did have history...that is tainted...and that I still really wanna erase from memory.
• The dreams and desires we shared I had for us. See Ephesians 3:20. Note to self -- 'God's got this girlfriend, let go.'
• My sense of unfettered trust in man. It's probably naive, but I want to be able to trust a man to guard my heart. I just need to be more scrutinous of who I grant that privilege. God willing, the next man will be my husband.

I allowed myself 90 days, which is soon to be reached. I am grateful for these revelations. I am grateful for forgiveness. I am grateful for the support of people who DO love me. I am grateful for new chances to do things differently. And as quiet as it's kept, even though I think he is a counterfeit, poor excuse for a human being, the mature me is even grateful for him and the experience he took me through.

Thank you Rev Parker...


[Song of the Day: "Changed" by Tramaine Hawkins]