Comfortable and Convenient.

I've been back to my devotionals this week. My heart and mind, my spirit, need healing and guidance and direction, and admittedly, I have strayed from what I know to be true. God's grace and mercy are desired and I am praying for that daily.

That all said, I've been considering this theme of comfortable and convenient for a bit now. Particularly within the confines of my most recent relationship. Something to the effect of me being too comfortable and convenient for my partner. We'd hit that stale point, perhaps. He knew what to expect from me. Things had become routine and regular and I was beginning to feel a bit taken for granted.

Upon the postmortem, I came to realize that this comfortable and convenient feeling that has sat with me for so long could be applied to how I was living my life.

Truth is, yes, I prayed about growth, within a relationship. I am sure you can search this blog and find plenty a passage about how I had grown ENOUGH as a single woman, and wanted to be in a relationship to experience growth in a new direction and/or level. I believe that that particular prayer was answered. I was challenged in new ways by my partner. Exposure to different thoughts, beliefs, practices and experiences allowed me to reconsider some things and also stretched my thoughts and beliefs. I was able to demonstrate my mantra of teach & learn on a fairly consistent basis -- we both taught each other a lot and learned a lot from one another as well.

But our relationship had become comfortable and convenient. We did not actively aspire for anything more, or different. I could expect to hear from him, like clockwork. He could expect me to be waiting for him like clockwork. He lived his social life in his circle, separate from me. Rarely did our social lives intertwine...and we may have been too comfortable with that. Family? Whole 'nother story, and we were definitely too comfortable with keeping the status quo. Comfort and convenience can be welcome in a relationship, but you still need to evolve and grow, not so much as individuals, but rather, as a couple. I don't believe we quite got there.

A powerful lesson I take away is to not let such comfort and convenience occur primarily in my home ever again. The memories hit me every time I darken my doorstep and recovery is not as swift as I'd like, yanno?!

I know God has something greater in line for both of us, otherwise our relationship would have evolved. My prayers now ask for His will to be done, yes, and that I take these lessons and reminders with me as I continue to grow in my love journey.

He'll never have a nickname, but I do wish him well...


..:: Song of the Day: "For the Good Times" by Al Green ::..