Tonight, I sat through a panel discussion on HIV in the African-American community. All week long, there has been push for testing, as June 27 is National HIV Testing Day:
"Get tested!"
"Get tested!"
"Get tested!"
It's becoming a mantra in our community -- about.damn.time. For as informative as the panel was, and I am always enlightened by personal stories, for each is different, and each has a lesson, a couple of panelists touched on something that I've always believed has to be encouraged along with the push to "Get tested!"
That is to get treated. Or at least prepared to get treatment, counseling, and intervention of some type to initiate the healing process, should prevention not have...worked.
As I sat there listening this evening, I realized it has been 11 years since I first got tested for HIV. Philadelphia had just come out and baby, that movie had all of us talking!! Admittedly, I was the most promiscuous of my girlfriends, I'd been burned once, and I realized how important is was to know one's status. But I was completely scared. I had lots of questions and after witnessing a breach of confidentiality at the student health center on MORE than one occasion, I knew that was not where I would find the answers. But I did find them at the Latin American Youth Center, of all places. I made an appointment for Anonymous testing and counted the days - hours - minutes - seconds until that day. I didn't tell anybody about it, it was my secret. I did a lot of praying, a lot of soul searching, a lot of thinking about how my life could change, how I might lose my life, all of that. The testing was relatively quick and the counselor was very patient and understanding. But I had to wait a couple weeks for the results. Still didn't tell anybody. But a sista was worried. Who hasn't engaged in less than careful behavior sexually? The walk to LAYC was the longest.of.my.life! February 1994 -- That was the first of many negative tests, but after that, I did tell my friends, I did talk about getting tested and the importance of safe sex and that was also when I started asking partners about their status.
"Get tested!"
"Get tested!"
"Get tested!"
It's becoming a mantra in our community -- about.damn.time. For as informative as the panel was, and I am always enlightened by personal stories, for each is different, and each has a lesson, a couple of panelists touched on something that I've always believed has to be encouraged along with the push to "Get tested!"
That is to get treated. Or at least prepared to get treatment, counseling, and intervention of some type to initiate the healing process, should prevention not have...worked.
As I sat there listening this evening, I realized it has been 11 years since I first got tested for HIV. Philadelphia had just come out and baby, that movie had all of us talking!! Admittedly, I was the most promiscuous of my girlfriends, I'd been burned once, and I realized how important is was to know one's status. But I was completely scared. I had lots of questions and after witnessing a breach of confidentiality at the student health center on MORE than one occasion, I knew that was not where I would find the answers. But I did find them at the Latin American Youth Center, of all places. I made an appointment for Anonymous testing and counted the days - hours - minutes - seconds until that day. I didn't tell anybody about it, it was my secret. I did a lot of praying, a lot of soul searching, a lot of thinking about how my life could change, how I might lose my life, all of that. The testing was relatively quick and the counselor was very patient and understanding. But I had to wait a couple weeks for the results. Still didn't tell anybody. But a sista was worried. Who hasn't engaged in less than careful behavior sexually? The walk to LAYC was the longest.of.my.life! February 1994 -- That was the first of many negative tests, but after that, I did tell my friends, I did talk about getting tested and the importance of safe sex and that was also when I started asking partners about their status.
I recall an episode of Melrose Place where Jo and whomever her boyfriend was (his name escapes me) got tested together and THAT was SUCH A BIG DEAL!! Whew lawd...the pressure of that?! The guy who was courting me at the time (cuz I was being courted back then LMAO) and I had a conversation about it -- I decided then that I would know the status of anybody I slept with. Eventually he agreed to get tested; I didn't go with him, but he showed me his results, and our relationship progressed, monogamously, so we didn't get tested again while we were together.
But I started getting tested again once a year after we broke up, and I would give blood as well, so I figured my blood was being screened at least twice a year. But by then, I wasn't as adamant about knowing my partners status, especially with casual relationships. Oh, of course I was protected, but we all know safe sex is no sex, so I was being as safe as possible, sans knowing my partners' HIV status. Along came Papi Viejo, (which is my code name for really, really, REALLY risky activities) and I felt awful about it afterwards. I know better, but....
About 6 months after Papi Viejo, it was time for another HIV test. I was more scared than ever, but at this point in my life I was more comfortable talking about sexual health. My moms came to visit and she and I had a sit down, and I shared with her my stupidity and my fears, and we prayed about it and she let me know that she was supportive of me no matter what. The results of that test were negative, and I made a conscious decision then to never be careless again....not only do I want to live, I never want to put my parents or family through such a tragedy because of a careless decision on my part.
I've kept that promise to myself and to my loved ones and partners. And with the statistics showing how HIV/AIDS is slowly devastating our community, it would be careless for us to not know.
2 comments:
I admire your sincerity and honesty. Very nice blog.
Gracias :)
Post a Comment