Untitled for now....revisited

Mothers
are the first teachers
their children know.
- Maya Angelou


~originally dated 5.23~
This is a post about my father, as much as it is about my mother, even if it's only illustrated by a photo of Mommie and Me. It's about the evolution of our relationship, about changing roles, about the realization of the past, the present, the future.

I just returned from spending close to 3 weeks with the "old folks" as I affectionately refer to Mommie and Daddy; it was the longest amount of time I have spent in California in nearly 8 years.

**addendum** Mommie just spent 4 of the last 7 days/nights here in Atlanta, making this last month the most time I have spent with her in some 8 years.

I've learned SO much.

She often says that she fears I don't remember my childhood; it isn't that at all. What I remember with more ease is my older years, years away from home, memories in which my parents aren't always playing a central role, yet they remain peripheral characters. What we have come to conclude though is, that most of what I do remember about my childhood is referenced by my younger sister's presence. When I think of my childhood, she is there. Having left home at 17, I don't have the same memorable experiences that she has with our parents. She had a full 3 years in the house, practically living as an *only child* and it's clear she has benefitted from that bonding time with the old folks in ways that I was never privy to. There's lots that Mommie and my sister have gone through, witnessed, experienced together that I haven't the faintest clue about. So when she talks to me about these things, I'm like "huh?" followed by a blank stare...

I clearly wasn't there.

So, Mommie experiences some self-induced guilt about this, for she goes through what I call these "Mommie Moments" where everything is about "How can I be a better Mother?" This happens at least once a month, and my sister and I actually kid her about this, because it's truly funny and we can never tell what triggers an episode, but when she starts calling either of us more than once a day, something is brewing LOLOL

She often tells me that I left too soon, that she didn't have time to bond with me growing up, that I missed out on so much. She bases this on her relationship with her mother, whom we affectionately called, MamaDear. I don't think it's fair to compare because Mommie went on to UCLA after graduation and remained in close proximity to MamaDear until her passing some 12 years ago. My life was entirely different -- as she intended for it to be -- yet as I have gotten older I've seen how much I may have missed out on because I didn't have that "Mommie and Me" time growing up.

Confession -- For the past 8 years, there has been some bitterness on my part about the relationships Mommie has, and how I have perceived them to loom larger in her world than me, but admittance is the first step and I guess we are working on some things now.

And the last 6 months have opened my eyes to how our roles are changing, and left me to rethink what the purpose of this time in my life is truly all about. Both of my parents and a few of my family members have life-changing health issues, and one of my family members has already lost the battle this year. My life is much different than I expected it to be when I embarked on my journey some 6 months ago, and I've come to see the blessing in this *free* time. I was able to spend those weeks in California and days in Atlanta, re-connecting, re-engaging -- and having that long-sought-after "Mommie and Me" time, which I am sooo thankful for, as:

* I've come to see Mommie as a real person, not someone I revere on a holier-than-thou-problem-free pedestal, but someone who has needs, and wants, and wishes, and shortcomings, and highpoints, and successes, and all of that;
* I've become more empathetic, not necessarily more patient, but definitely more willing and able to see root causes and how things intersect and how such things play a part in someone's demeanor;
* I've become more forgiving; and
* I've learned that marriage may not be in my cards. Neither might children. But that is the NEXT post....LMAO

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
- John Mayer

[Song of the Day: Daughters, by John Mayer]