pensamientos

Geemaneesh! These gas prices are a biaytch! I'm seriously considering the bus and that is saying a helluva lot here in Atlanta where public transportation is piss-poor at best. But damn, these gas prices are killing my budget -- I'm broke until payday and I haven't been in that kinda situation since foreva. Thank the lawd payday is less than 72 hours away, but still....I hope I don't run outta gas before then! So I've spent a good part of my afternoon trying to figure out the most reasonable mass transit options from home to work. I so "claim" to miss walking, a sista may just be hoofin' it to the local transit center, cuz this driving thing is breakin' me. Walking and mass transit -- for the summer, at least, could equal saved money and weight loss. Not a bad combo considering I could use both. Once I figure out the best schedule a trial run is in order....

My amigo favorito is moving to Poughkeepsie. What da hell? I have never ventured north of NYC, but another friend just moved to Buffalo, and now this. Me thinks I'll have to do an Upstate NY tour soon. I've always wanted to see the NE in the fall -- I hear the colors are lovely. Besides that....I do wanna see Niagara Falls. I've been all over this country with the exception of the NE and parts of the upper midwest. Now I have just the excuse :) IF I can afford it HA!

Against my better judgment, I was listening to that shout fest, the Michael Baisden show the other day, (Shhhh....don't tell nobody) and the topic pulled me in for a change. It's a topic that ISN'T discussed much and one that I've had on my heart for a while. The ramifications of childhood sexual abuse. As I've gotten older, and had more encounters, be they romantic or platonic, with men and with women, I've questioned more and more if there's a history of sexual abuse. Not to say that I think about this everytime I meet a new person, but after a particularly silly interaction that was nothing but a waste.of.my.time, I was left wondering what brought about this dysfunction? Why can't people relate to one another? Where does the distrust, the distance stem from? I'm mean, we've all had broken hearts and a well-adjusted person can recover, but what about the damage done to someone at a young age, physical damage that manifests in emotional and mental damage as they age? Now THAT'S heartbreaking!

Not just childhood sexual abuse, but rape, too. It leaves it's mark. Men don't talk about it. In a play I witnessed recently, prison rape was depicted, the survivor contemplated attempted suicide, but the feel good ending allowed him to be reborn and continue his life. The act is life-altering, and although it may be, what venue is there for a survivor to release the pain? To discuss his feelings? Keeping it bottled up simply allows it to disseminate in other unhealthy ways, in dysfunctional, sometimes abuse relationships. The cycle continues.

Sidebar: Today, the show was about domestic abuse. Never in my life....it goes both ways cuz a sista CAN but a hurting on a man as my Black Studies professor used to say, and that would always get a chuckle in class, but it.really.isn't.funny.at.all. I really cannot stand that show, but I get so busy that I don't even have the time to switch radio streams and before I know it, he's busy shouting and carrying on and every now and then it's a topic that piques my interest. Rarely, but it happens. I've confessed, now carry on....LMAO

I've talked about this rape case at Duke before and now it's come out that no DNA was found from the Lacrosse team, the other woman present isn't verifying what happened, there are photos that tell some of the story, and yet the DA will prosecute two defendants, if not a third. If the woman was raped, I sincerely hope justice is served, but if she wasn't, or this turns out to be Tawana Brawley 2006, I just have to question when does one in their "right" mind decide to cry rape? What in her life has led to this? Is it a cry from a previous experience? The story has yet to be told, but I'm left wondering already...

[Song of the Day: "I Refuse" by Urban Mystic]