Pondering thoughts on language

What to say?
How to say it?
Will the words come?
How will they present?

One thing I have definitely noticed is that the less I write, and the less I read, the less profound or even intelligent I feel. Seriously. My smarts have diminished over the years. And not just because I'm aging. Or sick. Or tired. Or single. Or whatever. But maybe because I haven't been reading or writing like I used to and I find myself "impressed" when I hear smart language used. Words that used to be familiar to me in dialogue and conversation. Where did those words go in my lexicon? Better yet, how did my world get so closed off? Quiet? Unruffled? Unsmart...is that a word?

I used to be one to relish the creation of a word. Something made-up to denote a circumstance, person, place, thing. Aside from "Parkage" I cannot even recall the words I created. Such a shame, too. Because what I find myself doing these days is constantly reaffirming other words exist. Stay in the dictonary much? Um, yea. Wondering how come I've either never heard/used said word, or "why come" it's fallen from my daily language.  Many of these words, I've started to Tweet. Just the word. Out of context. Prayerfully, should I take a looksy back through my feed, I'll recall just how and when the word was uttered or read. For they struck me at the time...

Back to my words. One of my desires for this blogging-more-often journey is to regain my familarity and ease with language. I do blame social media for part of my silence. It's much easier to tweet, or take/post images, to share a thought. As the social media stream has gotten ever more crowded I've found that I removed my voice, and became more of an observer than a participant. But all that silence just makes me feel...dumb. Yea, I've most certainly dumbed down. I notice this, because when I am ready to speak/write/love, I just don't have the words.  I find myself having to really consider my language...it fails to flow easily, as it did before.

And I don't like having to think so much, just to complete an intelligent sentence. Many days, I chalk this up to lupus fog, but I know better. Much of this is of my own doing...or my lack of doing.

I gotta get my confidence back. I gotta find my words. I gotta read. I gotta blog. I gotta write. I gotta speak.

..:: More to Come ::..