The Oprah Continuum

There's a brotha out there that I'm....anticipating. He expresses disdain over the materialistic influence Oprah has over her audience and the symbolic figure her media image has become in the world.

There's a brotha out there that I've....realized. He expresses enlightenment to the struggle Black women have endured for appreciation and support for the role Oprah has played in encouraging confidence in younger generations to "speak the names" of legends.

Expressions of two, that represent a dichotomy in my life, about an entity that I don't think twice about. Irony has entered the building. Perhaps I should reconsider?

Oprah can come and she can go. I'm not her biggest fan, I don't rush home to watch her, I can't say I've visited her website or even catch After the Show regularly. She is whatever she is for whomever she is...I'd like to believe I can avoid her influence in my life. The Legends Ball , however, brought me pause for witnessing her pull off something that moved me, emotionally, and provided an even greater understanding of, in the words of Michael Eric Dyson, why I LOVE Black women.

But this isn't so much about Oprah or women, for that matter. It's more about where I've been, what I've done, where I am, what I am doing, or NOT DOING, and where I am going, and what I want. To do. About me and men.

Conversations of the last few days, with some of the women that I so dearly love, have opened my eyes to how I've...changed? My circumstances have been altered and my spirit along with them. sj-the-infamous? She no longer exists. What I believe in hasn't changed, but my actions have. I've been saying for a couple years now that I need to "get my groove back." I'm older now, so it only makes sense that I'm more careful, more selective, less willing to deal with nonsense, less willing to settle. In today's dating arena, where does that leave me, though? In the valley of cynicism, with plenty OTHER sistas. Particularly, here, where I've chosen to live. I've said it before, I'll say it again -- this is NOT the place to live and date for the heterosexual, single, Black woman. But my verbalizing that doesn't aid the situation. It just states the facts.

Fact is, what I've realized...from a brotha, is that he who is "checkin' for me" may not be here. He's more likely elsewhere. I may need to wrap my resistant mind around love at a distance, again. *sigh*

Fact is, what I'm anticipating...from a brotha, is that I'll be thinking about love, about a meaningful relationship, about a future intertwined with another. That it won't always just be about me. *sigh*

The contradictions must come to an end.

• I can't realize that I've discounted every brotha here, and then anticipate a healthy, fulfilling love life.
• I can't anticipate my chosen one, if I realize that it is he that does the choosing.

There must be a happy medium.

• That space where I take all that I have realized and all that I am anticipating and package it into a satisfying, fulfilling love life.
• It's that space where all I am anticipating has been realized.

It's not so much that I want to reclaim being infamous...since that HAS been realized (I just wish I could remember most of it. That's what loved ones are around to remind you of, I suppose). Its more about laying claim on what I am anticipating and seeing that it is all that it is supposed to be and then some.

As for Oprah...I've realized that her influence around the world dismays some, yours truly, at times, yet, I also anticipate she will bring that influence to those less fortunate and impact the world for causes, that we have yet to know about. We seem to either love her or hate her...where is that happy medium?

..::More to Come::..